Gossip Cop can exclusively set the record straight.“Brad’s Huge News: I’m In Love With A Princess,” reads a headline on of Princess Caroline of Hanover, is not a princess herself.Another attractive feature is that, because it is written by me, I’ve been able to take certain “artistic liberties” in order to make me seem more “good.” I was born in 1960 in Petoskey, MI. No jury would have convicted me once I showed them evidence she had stolen my baseball and left it out in the rain. Reviewing what I’ve just written, I’m concerned that I’m not coming off as well as I intended. I deny that when I was 3 my mother had to pin a note to my sweater that said “please do not feed Bruce cheese.” Stories about me being 6 years-old and getting beaten up by a little girl 2 years younger miss the point that she was a very mean little girl.Gossip Cop checked in with a mutual pal of ours and Pitt, who exclusively assures us the actor and royal simply aren’t a couple.One of the main things I like about the following autobiography is that it’s not written posthumously. I never once tried to completely murder my sister; my aim was to kill her just a little.
Many people thought I should be made president or king or something, and Harvard and Yale unanimously voted that even were they to merge, the combined school “still wouldn’t be good enough” for me.I was the editor of the literary magazine and the student newspaper, which, contrary to my expectations, did not lead to a greater incidence of dates with girls or conversations with girls or girls.They clearly felt I was so amazing a “catch” that surely some supermodel was dating me and that I was always on a yacht somewhere, which in fact was true except for the supermodel and the yacht and the dating.Let’s just stipulate that I had a wonderful childhood because I was a wonderful child.
Anyway, I never wanted to be a ball player or any of these things, I wanted to be a writer.The Kansas City Star paid me $ 50.00, which sadly remained the most I was ever paid for a story until around 1995.