Always quick with a comeback, Spike responded "No, it's all in perfect working order." Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Notice on a Cork building site: The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other. Hugh Leonard The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.
Oscar Wilde New York is my Lourdes where I go for spiritual refreshment...a place where you are least likely to be bitten by a wild goat. Will Rogers An Irishman will always soften bad news, so that a major coronary is no more than 'a bad turn' and a near hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is 'good drying weather'.
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Kerry), that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. "TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE" It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.
Oscar Wilde Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790 Rose Mc Gowan remembers asking Peter O'Toole if there were millions of girls chasing him around the planet after he did Lawrence of Arabia, and he said, "My dear girl, I didn't need movies to do that." A garda recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for reinforcements." "My way of joking is to tell the truth.Brendan Behan "All money is tainted, tain't none of it mine." Thomas Francis Mc Guire This was sent in by one of our readers, Rosemary Nagy. Hugh Leonard A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain.
Oscar Wilde There was an old fellow at Trinity Who solved the square root of infinity.GB Shaw From out of the mouth of a nun in Ballyragget, Kilkenny when describing a woman in high heels: "She was like a cat on a scissors." He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.