I could never tell my friends the whole truth because if I did, they would be angry at him for not getting help, and annoyed with me for staying in a relationship that made me unhappy. My partner was there for me the day she died, holding me in the hospital while I cried. But a few days later, when I was extremely upset after cleaning out my grandma's house and sorting through her possessions, he couldn't support me. Can't you hold me as I cry, instead of curling up into a ball? I convinced myself plenty of times that things were getting better, that my partner's depression was improving, after a magical day or week when they seemed different. It hurt even more whenever they crashed again, and somehow, I was never prepared.He was staring at the ceiling instead, lost in his depression. I found that this cycle would continue indefinitely unless my partner sought help. It's hard to always be there for your depressed partner.The more I isolated myself, the more dependent I became on the relationship for everything — not just love. Any time I said the wrong thing, it felt like everything would fall apart.The stress would sit in my stomach like a bomb, and when things exploded, I thought, "Here it is." Sometimes, I wished I could be in a normal relationship, arguing about dirty dishes or some other trivial thing.
When I was with my depressed partners, I loved them — but I also felt stressed and scared.I found myself eating crap food all the time, because that’s what my depressed partner had been eating.I skipped out on good-for-you things, like exercise and family, that would have made me feel better.My partners have suffered from something very serious, something that requires medical help, something that was mostly out of their control. But no one wants to date someone who is depressed, either.
You love your partner in spite of their depression, fueled by the hope that someday they'll get help, someday things will be better. When you're dating a depressed person, you may find yourself at a juncture where you're facing down the two choices: to stick it out, or to leave.I've been in two serious relationships with people who struggled with depression and found that, though there are lots of ways you can support a depressed partner, only they can decide when it's time to seek help.