AJ: I think that question’s loaded, because there’s so much that they can quote-unquote “do” on the practical end, [for example] maybe avoid Tinder or certain platforms that are instant, instant, instant.But I think on the emotional end, what I try to help my clients unpack is what is it that they really even want? And how much of that can they provide for themselves?I would definitely suggest having some phone conversations prior [to the first date] — not texting, not emails, genuine phone conversations.I think that would help in establishing that initial spark; you can know right off the bat pretty easily if this person is connecting with you, or is present, or is engaging.) Please share something about yourselves below or ask us any questions! A post shared by The Modern Love Box™ (@themodernlovebox) on AJ: On one hand I think that [online dating] is really lovely for the fact that you can put yourself out there a little bit and reach people that maybe you couldn’t otherwise [meet] in your community. [But] I am not a huge fan of online dating, to be 100% honest.I can’t speak on this with personal experience because I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years, but I keep hearing over and over again that people are trying to find connection and they can’t be authentic.When we unpack that and we start exploring it, building that clarity helps them feel more empowered to be in their own space.
I think with my particular caseload, [men and women equally] want to have good-quality relationships, but don’t necessarily know how to find it.AJ: I think a genuine connection takes time to facilitate; you have to take time to nurture a foundation between two people where there is emotional safety.If you don’t have that, it’s really hard to be vulnerable with someone and be authentic, and to develop that genuine connection with someone.How often do you go into the gym, or go into the grocery store, or go into the bank and you don’t smile, you don’t have eye contact, you don’t initiate a conversation?
[Instead], be mindful and go into those environments with the intention to be open.Surprise surprise, says Jeney — it’s the inability to connect deeply with a potential romantic partner.